Our Love : English Translation
by Rina Aria
Summary: [JudexMilla] Maybe this love is impossible to come true. But my love for you is real and I will never throw it away. That's why, a world where we could be together, I will make it come true. Because I'm an egoistic person and I wanted to have you for myself... and I won't regret it. English Translation from the same title due to request of some reader.


**Disclaimer: It's obvious I don't have Tales of Xillia, because it was properties of Bandai Namco.**

Well, I had promised someone that I will translate the Indonesian version of 'Our Love' and 'I Have a Question' into English. And the result is… well, you read it right now so I have no need to explain right? Actually I intended to publish this story later after The Lost Treasure is over, but that story won't end soon. :)

The summary and the story is (almost) the exact copy of the said story maybe with some different naming after the NA release of Tales of Xillia, so if you have (or could) read the Indonesian version, there is no need for you to read this again except for one Part that is exclusive for the Indonesian version (which I doubt actually). **Please bear with my grammar for now and enjoy the story**!

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**Jude POV**

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I spun the pen between my fingers as I contemplated on what to write in my journal that right now lay open in front of me. I was actually writing the journal of my journey, thinking that it might be of any use in the future, but now I had no idea of what to write.

I watched at the last entry of my journal before I got a writer block. It was about the resurrection of Milla Maxwell in expense of the Milla-san's life. Seeing it, I know more or less why I got a writer block like this. I still felt bad for Milla's death for the sake of resurrecting Milla Maxwell, the Lord of Spirit.

I was guilty, because even when I should have helped her, in my heart, I wanted to meet the Milla that I know of more. Redau's words echoed inside my mind.

"_You want to meet her right… your beloved Maxwell,_" he said at that time.

At that time, my standings wavered. I really wanted to meet Milla _badly_. I'm searching for her, I wanted to find her. That's why when Milla came back I felt really happy even when I'm supposed to be mad because the other Milla was sacrificed. But I can't, I just can't. Even when my mouth said those words of anger when Vel called Ludger, in the deepest part of my heart, I didn't really mean it.

"Milla…" I whispered. I'm sorry Milla I'm a truly selfish person.

Suddenly I heard a voice, as if answering my calling, saying, "What's wrong, Jude?" said the voice with a gentle tone.

I looked up and saw Milla who came into the house with calm expression. Both of us were in Nia Khera, the place where Milla become something like a god for the people who live in it. So, everyone in Nia Khera worship Milla. Well, it was true right now though.

Milla then sat on the chair beside me elegantly. Naturally, my eyes trailed on her while I closed the book that I would write. I know with Milla here, I won't get anything done to fill my journal.

"Jude, what were you reading?" Milla asked with a little curiosity that I picked on.

I shook my head a little before saying, "It's nothing. I just remembering something, that's all," I said trying to hide my mind and my own heart from Milla watchful gaze.

Milla only nodded before crossing her arms in front of her chest before saying, "I understand if you don't want to talk. So, right now I'm the one who will talk," Milla said with a stern tone.

I looked sideway to her and think that Milla really is a good person. But, I heard Milla wanted to talk to me so I asked, "What's wrong?" I asked while trying to sound concerned.

Milla put her crossed arms on the table before gave out a long deep breath. She then said, "Elle… seems to be mad at me. It's not like I don't know why it was like that though," Milla said with a sad expression on her face.

I know what Milla was talking about. Elle were really close with the other Milla. And because of that Milla-san was being sacrificed to summon the Milla that was here beside me, Elle still couldn't accept the existence of Milla.

"One day… there will be a time where Elle could accept you Milla. After all, you are a good person," I said before putting my hands on the top of Milla's hand. Milla is a good person, the selfish one is me.

Milla looked at me with a small gentle smile before tightening her grips on me as she said, "I pray… that those time will come soon. I give you my gratitude Jude, you made me feel much better," Milla said with a smile. A smile that I really love.

I just reply her smiles with a weak smile of my own. My chest felt painful as if being stabbed. I always said to myself that what I have with Milla right now is enough, but slowly but surely, I felt that all of this wasn't enough for me.

But, Milla is Maxwell. After our journey right now over, she will come back to her own world, the Spirit World. At that time, there will be an invisible wall between me and also Milla, I couldn't see her again anymore. I don't want that, but it was the fate words who said that my feeling for Milla won't get returned. Maybe that's why I wanted to make a world where Human and Spirit could live right next to each other, all of this was for my own selfish wish to have Milla.

"Hey, Jude, yesterday I was just talking with Leia and also Elize," Milla said with her eyes opened wide, signaling her curiosity.

"Eh? What are you talking about with them?" I asked. I don't know why but I have a bad feeling for this.

Milla looked as if she was thinking before saying, "Mmm, well I was just done reading a book and there are some parts that I don't understand of so I asked them. And then they hold their laugh and told me to ask another person," Milla said with a confused face that made her looked pure.

"Just what is the book are you reading?" I asked with a little bit curiosity. Well, even when Milla looked like a type of the person that couldn't read books, she has reading as her hobby. She said it was so she could learn more about the heart of human. Sometimes she would quote some sentences from the book that she had read and said it loudly with straight face even when the sentences was actually embarrassing.

"Mmm, the title is called 'Paper Plane' a novel. In it, there is a sickly girl that exchanged letter with boy who was a convict. The girl sent the letter with a Paper Plane, hence the book title, as she got out from the hospital just to send the letter. And then, when the father of the girl knew about it, he forbids the girl from sending anymore letter, but the girl heed no words of it. The girl knew that her death is near and sent her last letter to the boy, saying that she will move away. And then, the girl went back to the hospital because she couldn't do anything more and just waiting for her time to be up. All the time, she thinks about that boy. And when she was in the brink of death, she tried to take the letter from the boy and her father helped her. In the last line, she said '_love_' that she dedicated to the boy. And… that's what I asked to Leia and Elize, the love part," Milla explained with an obvious curiosity written on her face.

I'm still absorbing Milla's words bit by bit, because Milla was just explaining the story of a very thick novel. Of course I had read it in one of my free time, but I still wondering how come Milla could get that kind of book in the first place.

Without waiting for me to talk, Milla said, "So Jude, do you know what the meaning of the girl last words is?" Milla asked not too long after that.

I raised my eyebrows before saying, "Last words?" I asked her, throwing her question back.

Milla nodded before saying, "Yeah, the '_I love you my dearest_' one," Milla said reminding me of the sentences that she asked.

My face blushed instantly at the mention. That's why Leia and Elize didn't answer her. They tried to trick me into explaining it to oblivious Milla. What should I say to her?

"Jude?" Milla asked with a curios tone since I didn't answer her instantly.

I tried to erase any of my thinking that appeared inside my mind and coughed. In my mind, I prayed that my explanation won't bring Milla into a round one. And then I started my explanation to her.

"W-well… so, the meaning of that sentence is the feeling of the girl to the boy. S-so… in that story, the girl cared a lot about the boy until her last breath. I-it means that the sentence in the end is one of the expressions that someone said to their closest person, expressing how they cared about them," I explained with the straightest face I could manage. I just hope Milla won't notice.

Milla nodded few more times before asking again, "And then, why the face of the main character from one of my novel was red when they said those line? Their face was red even when they didn't have any fever. Jude, could you explain that to me as well?" Milla asked obliviously as she has her eyes fixated on me.

I took a very deep breath slowly and let it out as slow as when I took it to ease my nerve after getting continuous question from Milla like this. Why the question is very case sensitive and hit me this hard? I swear I was being tricked by certain someone. I really have bunch of love to meddle another people love-affair friends.

"Okay… so, there are sometimes that the feelings from boys to girl or vice versa are different from the feelings of 'like' with friends or other people. Well, that feeling made us being conscious of the loved one presence and our hearts beating loudly when left all alone," I answered as I tried _very hard _to remain calm through the way.

Milla looked like she was pleased with my answer before saying, "Oh so that's why… human really is interesting. I'm becoming to love and wanted to know more about you, human," she said with pure anticipation.

I just laughed when I watched her reaction. Milla really loves human, even when she is one of the Spirit of Origin. She is my beloved Milla Maxwell that I couldn't ever dream to have. I don't even know why, but seeing how she enjoyed herself right now, I wanted to share what I was thinking about to her before she talked to me.

I tilted my head a little bit to her before asking, "Anyway Milla, you asked what book I was reading on before, right?" I asked with a small smile to her light happy face.

Milla looked at me with wide eyes that looked like she was caught off-guard from my question before she asked, "I-is it really okay? The book was precious for you, isn't it?" she asked with surprised tone, but I know that she actually wanted to know.

I nodded my head before giving her my journal that I wrote from when we met from the first time in Fennmont (even when I wrote it after that) until we sat right beside each other right now. I feel a little bit grateful that I didn't write anything weird in that, like my love for her for example, and it was merely an objective record.

Milla was excited before knowing what is that book really is. She looked at me sideways with a frown on her face as she asked, "Is it really okay for me to read it? It's your journal right?" she said with an obvious worried tone.

I just laughed at her reaction before saying, "If you want to, I could give it to you, Milla," I said half-joking at what I said. After all, there is nothing in it that will reveal my secret except the fact that I wrote a journal.

Milla looked to me with a surprised expression before asked, "Jude, is it possible that you… like- I mean, love me?" she asked with a surprised yet slow pace as if she was nervous about it.

When I heard it, I feel like I was being startled in a bad way until I felt my heart might stop instantly. Unconsciously my face becomes as red as tomato and I looked away from Milla watchful gaze. Without watching her, I spontaneously asked, "W-why you think so?" I asked with an obvious embarrassed tone. I just hope that Milla won't notice my red face and my embarrassment. Please Milla, be an oblivious person right now.

Milla put my journal on the table before moving closer to me while saying, "Jude, your face is red. Do you catch a cold?" she asked straightforwardly with her face inched closer to me.

I looked away before saying, "N-no, it's just that… well, it's particularly hot today, that's why…" I said trying to make up a reason. I knew that it was hardly believable since Nia Khera isn't hot at all.

It looks like Milla realized that I make up my reason (it was hardly believable in the first place after all) and saying, "Jude, you lied to me just now right?" she said with a serious tone. I could sense her body moving closer and closer to mine it was almost uncomfortable.

Spontaneously I took some distance from her before saying, "N-no… I'm not…" I said lying to Milla. Well, now I'm trying to lie to Milla.

Milla moved closer to me again as I took some distance before saying, "No, you are lying to me," she said with a stern voice and serious face. It's obvious she knew that I'm lying to her and I have something to hide from her. Milla sometimes is very sharp.

I was moving even further from her when finally I ran out of place. My holding against the chair changed from wooden into air. I fell from my position while Milla who were still stubbornly interrogating me was dragged along because she pulled my lab coat.

"Uwaa!" we shouted in unison when we fell from the chair and met with the floor hardness.

My head was pounding badly as I hit the floor and my body was pinned with something quite heavy. I rubbed my pounding head while groaning, "O-o-ouch… it's the first time I fell from the chair embarrassingly like this…" I groaned as I was rubbing my pounding head.

After I said that, I could hear Milla's voice coming from above. She said, "Jude…" she said with a soft voice it sounded like a whisper.

As soon as I could do, I looked up and noticed my and Milla position right now. Shortly, Milla was on top of me with her legs between my legs with her hands on my chest and also her face was right in front of me I could sense her breathing on my skin. Oh, crap.

I could feel my heartbeat increasing wildly until I was afraid that Milla might hear it and asked about why I was like that so I didn't move an inch. Milla herself didn't move at all as well from our position and just gazed with me. Her magenta-colored eyes looked at me without any doubt in it.

When my mind registered it, I put my left hand on her cheek and my right hand over her head. I don't think about the risk when I asked, "Milla… may I kiss you?" I asked naturally

Milla was surprised, obviously. But, before she could say anything or refuse me, I closed our short distance and placed my lips on her lips. Her lips are soft and for the lack of better word, tasty like berry. I could hear that Milla wanted to say something but I don't let her do that.

When Milla opened her eyes, unconsciously I inserted my tongue inside her mouth. I twisted my own tongue with Milla with me dominating it. I could feel every bit and inch of Milla's mouth, her perfectly lined teeth, and her soft tongue. I don't know why but I felt no resistance from Milla. But, my mind was too foggy to register it and I kissed her, robbing her of her sweet air, without thinking about anything.

After a while, I let go of Milla and looked at her. Her chest moved up and down rapidly as if trying to gain the air that was lost and on the side of her lips was a trail of our mixed saliva trailing down from her face and down to her neck. I know that I can't back away now so I said, "Now you know what is the answer right Milla? I'm sorry I'm lying before," I said with my gaze fixed on Milla and how beautiful she is.

I could see that Milla's face became red, but I don't know what the reason is. As soon as I can, I moved Milla from my above, and after I stood from my position but Milla didn't and silence ensues. Precisely after Milla stood from the floor, I heard the door is knocked from outside.

I looked to Milla again, it's now or never. I took a deep breath before saying, "I love you Milla. That's why I wanted to create a world where Spirit and Human could live together," I said with a fixed resolution with my eyes looking straightly to her eyes.

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**Milla POV**

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"I love you Milla. That's why I wanted to create a world where Spirit and Human could live together," Jude said with a fixed resolution and with his eyes looking straightly to mine.

I spontaneously looked away after he said that. When Jude kissed me, I felt that I can't move under his mercy and my heartbeat increased unbelievable I think it would jump out from its place. My face felt very hot and I couldn't think straightly with Jude's confession to me being repeated in an endless cycle.

I heard Jude walked away and opening the door. My eyes naturally followed him from the place where he stood and to the door. I just noticed that the Jude that was right now in front of me is different from the Jude that I knew one year ago. Right now, Jude had grown taller than before and his hair which was styled neatly down from his head now become a little bit messy and it made him have a more energetic aura.

The Jude from before will always lean on me for support as if it was the most natural thing in the world, but right now he had walked with his own legs to a place I don't know of it made me feel lonely. There is only one thing that didn't change from Jude and that's it his eyes. His eyes are gentle and honest, eyes that would look at me without any doubt in it. His beautiful amber eyes who always gazed at me with gentleness it made my chest warm. It made me believe that if I have him by my side, everything will be alright.

'Aaah… my heartbeat won't slow down…' I thought as I put my hands over my chest. I don't know why but the sounds of my heartbeat right now felt very nice but also foreign for me. It really is warm…

Suddenly, I heard Jude said, "Milla, there is someone who wanted to meet you. It was about your favor, he said," Jude explained briefly with his gentle eyes on me.

He become very calm after everything that happened between us is terrifying. Why I felt pain over this simple gesture? Why I'm turning weird like this?

"Y-yeah… I understand," I answered as I tried to become calm inside my heart.

And then I tried to stand up since I still sat down on the weirdly cold floor ever since Jude moved me from his body. I don't know why again, when I tried to move my legs to stand up from my position, it felt as if my legs were not present.

It looked like Jude noticed that and said, "Here, use my hand to help you stand," he said gently with his palm stretched out to me.

Hearing his kindness, I felt my heart raced even faster than before. I stretched out my hands hesitantly, I had forgotten when the last time I properly felt Jude's palms around mine is. It was the kind of warmth that enveloping my hands and warming my heart feels like the time when Jude supports me when I'm sad. And even when I didn't notice it, I seek that kind of warmth.

Jude saw me with wondering eyes before saying, "You can't stand right? So, let me help you to stand," Jude said with a slightly wondering tone on his words.

I don't know how red my face is right now, but at least I know it was redder than tomato. Then I quickly answered, "I-I understand that," I said as I placed my palm on the top of Jude's palm.

As soon as I put my palm over his, Jude gripped my palms tightly. I just noticed that Jude's palm right now become bigger than one year ago I think my palm are very small in comparison, but the warmth from it was the same. Jude then pulled me up with his incredible strength people might wonder from where that strength come from since Jude was quite skinny not that it is a bad thing.

After I stood up and regain a strength footing, Jude let go of my palms, leaving me with lingering warmth and smiled to me. His smile is very bright it made my chest become uncontrollable. Then I heard him saying something that made me being overly conscious of him.

"If you need my help, I will always come and help you, Milla," he said gently.

I felt my face become hot when Jude mentioned my name gently. When Jude is the one who said it, I felt that my name become very beautiful in my ears. Was my name is that beautiful since the start?

"T-thank you… Jude…" I said while trying to keep my composure even when I knew that it seems impossible right now.

Jude then said, "You welcome, Milla. I'll step out for awhile to look for fresh air. Have a nice talk with the people that wanted to meet you okay," Jude said while smiling to me. Then, he quickly walked to the door and let another person coming in.

'Aaah… he is gone,' I thought when Jude stepped out. But, I felt that the voice of my thought doubled, it wasn't just doubled, and it even mirrored four times more.

Spontaneously I looked to my side just to see Undine, Sylph, Gnome, and Efreet looked back at me with gazes that made me have a bad feeling for it. A feeling that they heard what I have thought about Jude all this time. That's why I looked back to the person who wanted to meet me and when I noticed his presence, he started talking.

I heard him with great attention, even in between of it I heard The Four talking on my back. At least I could heard that they mentioned Jude's name every so often while looking at me with a gaze that made me wanted to smack their head one by one later on. I'm used to tolerate their habit that mirrored a bunch of bickering in-laws that never go home but this one I can't tolerate.

Not long after that, I saw that Jude coming in, he already had quite a nice time taking a walk. And for a reason I don't yet know, my eyes trailed on him. Behind me, I could hear the Spirit talking on my back cheerfully.

At least I was grateful that I managed to solve the problem that was mentioned by the I-don't-know-who that met me from before since Jude get inside. Jude looked to my direction with gentle eyes and I don't know why again, I looked away to the door feeling his gazes all over me. Great, I'm being weird.

Right at that moment, Ludger and Elle coming in my shrine that I preferred to call as my home. And I don't know how the story but I managed to diverse my attention from Jude. But I know in the back of my mind I'm still wondering why I felt different when I was near Jude. That was when I remembered Jude explanation of 'love'.

I clearly understand that this feeling is different from when I was talking with another people, Human and Spirit alike. Maybe what I felt for another person is the feeling of like as a friend or maybe responsibility since I wanted to protect them all. But, my feeling for Jude has a completely different shape. So is this feeling is… the feeling of like more than just a friend? So, does it mean that… my feeling is the same as Jude? That I… I'm in love with him?

"Milla?" called a voice that made me snap into reality.

Spontaneously I looked at the source of the voice and saw Jude looked concerned about my well being. My surroundings show me that we are now on our way to Fennmont to be more exact in Barnauer Highroad. Eh, since when I'm here? I looked to my front and saw that Ludger, Elle, and Lulu were walking in front of me having a good time around them.

I tried to calm myself before answering, "What's wrong, Jude?" I asked as calm as I could. Ludger, Elle, and even Lulu are here, I have no need to act weird in front of Jude, and I could be calm.

Jude looked at me soundlessly before walking in a more relaxed manner before saying, "No, it's nothing. I just thought that you are being too quiet Milla, and I'm worried," he said with relief.

I felt my chest starts beating wildly and when I know it; my eyes always looked to Jude direction. Before I'm being caught red-handed staring, I looked away from him and my eyes rested on Jude's palms. I still remember his warmth when he helped me to stand up before.

I moved my hands closer to his and my fingers moved to touch his palms. It looks like that Jude noticed my action, before looking to my hands before to my direction. I felt my face become hot and with using all of my courage, I said, "May I… hold it?" I asked hesitantly. After all, even when we ever holding hands before, there are still a chance that Jude might refuse me.

Jude looked at me when suddenly I felt the presence of another thing enveloping my hands tightly. I spontaneously looked up to Jude, our eyes met each other, when Jude said, "Sure," he said with a gentle voice.

All over the time we are holding hands, I started noticing things that was unthinkable for me before. I was being reminded greatly of Jude's lips over mine, his gentleness and also his warmth that felt a little weak but precious. And also that after everything is over, I will be back to the Spirit world and was unseen by human, and it means that I'm leaving Jude.

That kind of thought made me sad, because I wanted to be right beside Jude a little bit longer, a little bit closer than before. But it was impossible, we are two different being living in two different worlds and moreover I'm the Lord of Spirit, Maxwell. But even when I know that, I know that but still… I wanted to erase that kind of thought or maybe my wish that sounded egoistic. I wonder was Jude felt the same way as me. Was that the reason why he said that he will create a world where Human and Spirit could live together. Was all of that… for his wish to be with me a little bit longer?

A sense of relief appeared inside my mind. The answer of what I was feeling for Jude is very easy. It was so easy I didn't notice it sooner. My feeling and Jude's feeling is the same. I love Jude.

I understand now… I love Jude… even when one day time will separate us. But, I don't want to give up this feeling. I love Jude, and Jude loves me as well. A world where we could live together… I hope it will become true soon… But, for now…

I tighten my grips to Jude's hand and Jude looked back at me with wondering expression to me. I know what he is thinking about and I only shook my head as the answer before saying, "It's nothing…" I answered softly to him with a slight smile on.

Right… for now… I don't want to let go of this hand that was connected tightly to me.

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**~THE END~**

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Okay, the translation end right here. For you who checked the Indonesian version, or maybe wondered what I am talking about here and decided to check it later, **The Epilogue of this story is Indonesian version exclusive and I didn't translate to English. If you want to read the Epilogue, you can learn my language or use Google Translate to do the job. But we all know that Google Translator isn't that reliable to translate a whole text. But hey, the English version is an improved Indonesian version and also with more description and length, so I think it is quite fair.**

**And lastly, for anyone who wanted to review this story, please do just that~**


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